A final note...

            I have yet to know why people say college life was the best time in their lives. But today when I went to my own college for the last time as a student, I felt weird more than sad. After my course viva got over, as I removed my ID card, I felt sheer joy because the damn thing got over at last, till I suddenly realised that I’m removing my ID card for the last time from my neck. It felt sort of weird.

            Something similar happened when I went to give my library cards back last day. I wasn’t  really expecting them to take it back. But again I felt weird. It was like cutting away the bondings , one by one. But I felt weird, not sad. And I felt good when we friends decided to go together to have a last cup of coffee and snacks before returning home, I felt good when I walked back with them today, even when I knew, this was the last time we are going to walk back like this.

            Now when I sit back and thing, I still don’t feel sad. Maybe because we still have a class photo to be taken and our farewell too. But yes I do feel weird…. I didn’t expect all this to end so quickly. Some part of me always wanted to stay here, and I can’t digest the fact that I’ve reached the end. I’m not really prepared to face this.

            I know I will miss this place. That however does not mean that my 4 years were really really good. There were tears, broken promises, incomplete sentences, and many unfilled voids. There are moments I wish never had happened, there are relations I wish I could build again, there are tears and wounds and forgotten friendships, that I can never recover. There are broken trusts, lots of unsaid things, stains and scratches… the list just goes on…

            But amidst all this, there are moments I wish would stay forever, laughter that still rings in my ears,  jokes and tricks that bring tears to my eyes, all those stupid antics, those rainy days, those unbearable summers, those cozy classes, tours, combined studies,  those special moments at coffee shops, loitering around in the campus, arts, matches, endless gossips, teasing each other, little little fights that get over within mere seconds, some heart touching words, some moments that fill our soul with joy, and many other that make us ask why we are so lucky? Some great friends, so sincere and loving…..some others who are fun to be with…teachers, labs, library……the list just goes on…

            I will never forget the last minute studies before exams, that feeling of satisfaction after coming out of an exam hall, combined studies (where we did everything else, but seldom studies) , seminars, the hustle-bustle before project deadlines, placements, presentations, and finally this course viva…

            There are many here who have touched my heart with their love. Here, I learned my lessons of friendship and trust, of unconditional love and limitless joy. Life is going to change from now on.All those carefree and happy times are coming to an end finally. I wish I could say lot more, but I find tears in my eyes finally, so I will take my leave here…because some things become more beautiful when left unsaid.

A SINGLE SENTENCE :)

Never try to keep everyone happy, because sooner or later they just won't be able to understand any of your feelings, and ultimately you yourself will get disappointed, and then the real point in making others happy, that is thinking that you will be happy too when you make others happy, will have no significance and that situation will make you face the truth that you are not a great person after all, to love and expect nothing back in return, and then you might realise that this whole idea was stupid, and you should have tried to keep yourself happy and make yourself more better each time, instead of wasting your time on others, and this will obviously lead to 2 choices, either to continue the way you are, an option choosen by a majority of people whom we think to be "happy"since they are "socially successful",as changes are a burden for many, or else to take that big step, and live the rest of your small beautiful life in the way you want it, without any regrets, doing everything that you love to do, while being in your limits, that are most commonly defined by our friends family, and your social circle, as many of those great persons we know did, and many great more will do.

CLOSING CYCLES!!

 (This is an entry copied from the famous author PAULO COELHO'S (Author of ALCHEMIST) blog. It gave me the answers that i was searching for, and made my heart more lighter..Hope it will help you too)




One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.
You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister.
Everyone is finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home.
Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.
Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.
Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.”
Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need.
This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life.
Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

From This Day Forward

       Learning to love your friend, who loves you is not so difficult. It is not simple, but it is not impossible either. All you have to do is to have some patience, accept their weaknesses, understand their possessiveness, and love them not just for what they are, but for what they are to you. Having someone who loves you is a wonderful thing. It makes you feel like you have the strength to face all problems in life, as long as they are there for you. Frankly speaking, I have some great friends. About one whom I've already written a full article. I am lucky to have many who have touched my heart in a special way.
          My point is that, loving someone BACK is not difficult. But loving a friend when you know full well that you are not loved back?? Our heart is such an irrational thing that takes seemingly stupid and illogical decisions at times. It never let you (in my case, it never does) hate someone, whom you have decided to love, even if that someone breaks your heart again and again. Your heart keeps on hoping that there will still be a tiny bit of love in your friend's heart. keeps wishing for a miracle that will make everything normal again.
         But mind you, that never happens.We have to live with the pain of losing a part of our heart. We have to accept that life will never be the same again. We have to defy all principles of life and agree that, sometimes, life is dirty, it never play fair, and we will be left with a broken heart for reasons unknown.
           I'm always grateful to my Krishna for giving me some truly amazing friends..Archu, Anagha, Anju, my cousin Krishna, my mum, my bro, Nebu, my friends (from my 7Th std,till forever)- Amal, Hari, Albin and Lucy...and many many others....I'm grateful that He gave me back some friends whom I thought I had lost. But  I'm still not able to accept that I have to go on from this day forward, without some people, whom I've thought the world of once. Life does pain a lot at times...
     

I Think, You Should Think

How many times have you wished that God shouldn't have done that to me? How many times have you felt angry with him for not giving you something better? How many times have you thought, or felt close to thinking that maybe there is no God, afterall? More than once surely?
We are not saints.We don't know anything much about what life is and all that,and so our anger is, in a way, justified. God does show partiality at times.He does not give us what we think we deserves, He definitly is a complicated person.
The common behaviour of all humans, including me and you, is that we never think too much about our blessings. Instead we just fret over what we don't have, what we should have got, what we have lost, what we should have done.....tons of worries and regrets and problems, isn't it?
Stop for a second.Think...I'm not joking..no no I'm really serious this time. I feel really bad about all this, you know? We all complain a lot..really a lot.Stop for a second and think. Think of the deeds you should not have done, think of the words you should not have spoken in anger, think of all  those tiny decisions that you could have avoided.Think how your life would have been if you get a second chance..
That did hurt a little, didn't it? You might be wondering why I asked you to waste your time to get depressed, why I asked you to remember all those things from which you have been trying to run away. It is so because you need to feel some pain in some situations to understand some truths in life. But rarely does we get a second chance. That's how life is.
Now stop and think of all that you have, however little, however small or insignificant. From your mother or best friend to your dog or cat....anything and everything...think...
Can you feel your heart beginning to lighten? All our lives are filled with little little blessings...maybe small but still significant enough to put a smile on your face.We just have to acknowledge them from time to time.
There is absolutely no use in thinking about your faults.Trust me, you'll just waste some more time crying over it. Think about what you have, and be thankful for it. That's the only way you can make your life beautiful. So what, if you had a bad childhood? So what if you did a stupid mistake? It's not really important now, because you obviously can't change it. What is really important that how you take it, and how you learn from it. 
There isn't a single person in this world who haven't done something stupid. You just have to learn to move on. And don't even dare to blame God. He gave you so much, and still all He gets back is angry outbursts? I know He is not really a human but shouldn't we ought to have some respect and love for Him for doing so much for us??I mean, come on, you will feel bad if all your hard work goes unacknowledged won't you?
It isn't about keeping God happy.It is about showing justice to a life that He had given us.

My best friend...

I met her first after some weeks after i joined my college.I was just over 17, carefree full of excitement that every girl and boy feels on entering their college life,and completely oblivious to the many trials and sufferings of life.I had absolutely no idea why i had choosen computer science engineering.I loved computer in 11th and 12th and i scored a fairly good rank in entrance exam,and i got on in merit basis in a nearby college and we had a 20 minutes boat journey to get there.I don't know which of these factors convinced my mind to go there.I really didin't have any idea about what was in store for me.
We met on a normal day.I knew there was a new girl coming because she was a classmate of one of my new friends.I saw her coming towards us with a face full of laughter.She didn't look as though she was meeting us for the first time.She blurted out that her bag was drenched because she hadn't tightened her bottle of water.That was our very first meeting.
It wasn't exactly friendship at first sight.We didn't sit together in class and as there were so many of us coming from the same place our meetings were rather less.But 6 of us remained friends throughout and that's how i knew her in first year.A girl who laughed a lot.
Things began to change in 2nd year when we both sat together,but i didn't feel about her the way i'm feeling now.For a person to have a blessing in life,at times he has to sacrifice some thing.I was a stupid girl,and my own mistakes gave me a hard time then.There was a time when i couldn't trust even my most dearest friend there,and i was completly broken.Friends for whom i had great love and respect left me without goodbyes, and someone whom i thought was my good friend slowly began to change too.It was the hardest time of my life.My bro helped out a lot,but i still felt an emptiness.For months,i cried through my nights,stood blankly at the shore of life,wondering what God will do t make me feel better.I had complete faith in Him and i knew that He will help me in someway.Only i couldn't see how.
It was really bad.I never knew that being alone could be so frightening.I don't know when,where and why i took that enormous decision to tell the truth , and only the truth to her.I still don't know why i choose her of all my friends.Maybe because she was so concerned and sincere to me.But that decision was the best i had ever taken in my life.
I had thought that she would ditch me after hearing me through,but i had to tell her the truth.Her true friendship was suffocating me so much.She never left me.She listened to my whole story without a word,and in the end she just told me that 'i'm with you'.Those words meant the world to me then.
I think at first i saw her as the only means of comfort that i had.But as each day passed,I saw that she was more.She guided me on,so carefully that i slowly came back to my usual normal life,the one which i thought i had lost for ever.She made me face realities,while silently supporting me.She was my mother teacher and best friend altogether.
I had fought with her countless times.I've irritated her,remained angry with her for stupid reasons.I still do at times.But i don't fear anymore of losing her,because i know now,that no matter how bad or stupid i get,she will always be there for me,and she will always love me.
After she became my true friend,i guess i changed a lot.I don't hate anyone now.I have no regrets and she is making sure that i'm improving on my tiny irritating faults.She is the best thing that happened in my college life & I thank God each and every day for that.
What should i call her???
She is Archana to many, Archu to her close friends,and for me....she's my world

Thoughts on a hot Sunday afternoon

Now and again i see many people who have 100s of regrets in life, 1000s who wish for a second chance and millions who blame their luck or God.Many of them are unhappy in their life.Not satisfied with what they have,they go behind different useless,stupid and most often dangerous means to keep them satisfied, or in their own words, enjoy their life.

So in nutshell the main problem is in finding what true happiness is.For a millionaire it might be his next business deal,for a prophet , the way to find inner peace,for a student,getting a good score,for drunkards,finding money to drink at a famous bar....it varies...

Happiness is defined differently to each person.What we have to make sure is how much good our happiness is ..

And there you have the next hurdle.What is good ?My bro once told me that there is no good and bad.Humans make them all.I guess he is right.What is right for one may not be so for others.No wonder people say life is complicated.It sure is.

I was one of the many who wished for a booklet from God that will tell me the exact difference between right and wrong.I had made many numerous foolish decisions in life, which i like to call as my experiments now.To many, it looks like the unjustified behavior of an idiot,but to me each was a lesson,on what i must never do again.

After 20+ years,and a million tears,now i know for sure that i will be OK wherever i am, because i know what i should never do.

And the most important thing is that, unlike many others,i don't have regrets or complaints about my past.I have so much to be grateful for , every day that i don't really get time for complaints.I just say my thanks for being with me throughout..I have faith in my God.